Can we agree that success in life largely depends on the quality of our relationships? If that’s true, then what is it exactly, about having good relationships that improves the likelihood of success in other areas of life?
There are countless books written on the subject of relationships and success. But the real question remains; can people apply what they learn from a self-help book for relationships and success?
Well, that depends on a number of factors.
First and foremost, before you can learn anything, whether it’s from a book, a lecture, a video or even formal education, you must be willing to walk through what I call the Portal for Learning. That is, position your mind in such a way where you are open to new ideas and learning new skills.
The Ladder of Conscious Competence, developed back in 1970, suggests there are four distinct stages of learning any new skill. Most importantly, the first stage is called unconscious incompetence or ‘you don’t know that you don’t know’. You see, the more you learn, the more you know. As a direct result, the more you know the more competent you become.
In my opinion, the vast majority of people go through their entire life never realizing their potential due to the fact their mind is closed off to new learning, new experiences and possibilities. They simply cannot imagine that there might be a better way. As such, they remain stuck in the proverbial rut.
Conversely, when you know that you don’t know, you open your mind to a world of possibilities of new learning. That is why I refer to this as the Portal to Learning; as it is the first step to personal growth.
When it comes to relationships and success, we need to consider the fundamentals required for developing good relationships.
A short list of fundamentals might be;
1. Trust
2. Communication
3. Integrity
4. Emotional maturity
5. Responsibility
I’ll touch on each one briefly in an effort to demonstrate their value.
1. Trust – trust is not something granted but is earned. How does one earn trust? By being trustworthy and reliable. For example, I will call you at 4:00 tomorrow. And then you place a call at 4:00. Another example would be, I will go to your performance, and then you show up. Trust is like a bank account in that one makes small deposits into the trust account to build trust. If there would be a break and trust, that would be considered a withdrawal. Therefore it’s very important to make regular deposits in order to maintain a high level of trust.
2. Communication – good communication in every relationship is vital. Generally speaking, the better the communication, the better the relationship. It’s not just saying what you want to say but ensuring that the recipient receives and understands your intended message. Many misunderstandings between partners are a direct result of miscommunication.
3. Integrity – integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. This one is rather simple yet often forgotten. Let’s face it, who wants to befriend someone who’s known to cheat, lie or steal? Yet this behavior has become commonplace in our society.
4. Emotional maturity – The ability to manage your demeanor in challenging situations can make or break your ability to have good relationships and success in life. One must remain calm, think before speaking, and act in a way that is constructive. Destructive behavior or damaging words will often lead to a lonely and unsuccessful existence.
5. Responsibility – this may be a bit of a collection of all of the above, however having a mindset of taking responsibility for your failures and successes will always bring about more predictable results. Perhaps you can establish the mantra “If it is to be, it’s up to me” and create the life that you deserve.
Remember to have an open mind learning new skills and to be the best partner you can be. In all of life, you have to give to get. It doesn’t go the other way around. You don’t sit in front of a fireplace and say give me heat and then I’ll give you some wood. Learn about effective tools you can start using TODAY to ensure your success.
For a more in-depth understanding of these principles, read Stop the Rain Dance to develop and maintain great relationships and success throughout your life.
